I thought I knew
I had always believed that I was one of those enlightened beings who knew what he wanted in life and there were these fixed targets that he was moving to. I guess I had taken self deception to the level of an art and soon realized thats not true.
If anything there are these few pictures I have of myself... snapshots in time framed in the future... its from this that I started back calculating and realized what a difficult thing it is to decide what you want to do.
If I give you an assimilated picture of what I want to do in life am sure you ll think am one confused being which I am by the way.
I see myself having opened a school where kids are being brought up to be self righteous, upright human beings who refuse to conform, have the courage to think for themselves and hence bring change in this world.
Then I see myself as an IAS officer working in the districts of India and bringing tangible change in every action of his.
Then I see myself in Nagapattinam reporting on the Tsunami for NDTV and also hosting Hard Talk on BBC.
I also see myself globe trotting as a lap top carrying consultant with McKinsey.
This is immediately followed by a picture of me criss crossing the country seeing every nook and corner and basically living a bohemians life.
Sometimes late at night I also see a happy family gathered around the fire laughing at jokes being made on each other. A picture of "har ghar kahta hai is mein kaun rehta hai".
Then I see me and my love at two places... one is this huge verandah wala house overlooking the sea on a moonlit night with the breakers crashing on the shore with a deafning roar. The other is this 50 storey penthouse in Mumbai over looking the sea. Its raining outside and there is beautiful music being played on this system with Bose speakers. To describe this house let me quote two examples... one is the penthouse Richard Gere was living in Pretty Woman. The other is the initial description of Guy Wynand's house with glass ceilings. Amalgamate the two and you will have the house I want in Mumbai.
Then I see me bringing up my children and being proud of them in every act of theirs.
Maybe somewhere within all this is my Raymond's 'Complete Man'...Maybe I am just another average person who dreams of all this but doesn't have the courage to follow any leave all of these dreams.
And know what its so bloody difficult to accept that! But somewhere there is this flicker of hope that tells me that I will one day maybe achieve all this and also guess what this flicker has been growing every day.
If anything there are these few pictures I have of myself... snapshots in time framed in the future... its from this that I started back calculating and realized what a difficult thing it is to decide what you want to do.
If I give you an assimilated picture of what I want to do in life am sure you ll think am one confused being which I am by the way.
I see myself having opened a school where kids are being brought up to be self righteous, upright human beings who refuse to conform, have the courage to think for themselves and hence bring change in this world.
Then I see myself as an IAS officer working in the districts of India and bringing tangible change in every action of his.
Then I see myself in Nagapattinam reporting on the Tsunami for NDTV and also hosting Hard Talk on BBC.
I also see myself globe trotting as a lap top carrying consultant with McKinsey.
This is immediately followed by a picture of me criss crossing the country seeing every nook and corner and basically living a bohemians life.
Sometimes late at night I also see a happy family gathered around the fire laughing at jokes being made on each other. A picture of "har ghar kahta hai is mein kaun rehta hai".
Then I see me and my love at two places... one is this huge verandah wala house overlooking the sea on a moonlit night with the breakers crashing on the shore with a deafning roar. The other is this 50 storey penthouse in Mumbai over looking the sea. Its raining outside and there is beautiful music being played on this system with Bose speakers. To describe this house let me quote two examples... one is the penthouse Richard Gere was living in Pretty Woman. The other is the initial description of Guy Wynand's house with glass ceilings. Amalgamate the two and you will have the house I want in Mumbai.
Then I see me bringing up my children and being proud of them in every act of theirs.
Maybe somewhere within all this is my Raymond's 'Complete Man'...Maybe I am just another average person who dreams of all this but doesn't have the courage to follow any leave all of these dreams.
And know what its so bloody difficult to accept that! But somewhere there is this flicker of hope that tells me that I will one day maybe achieve all this and also guess what this flicker has been growing every day.
posted by Abilin Mukherjee at 11:04 PM
2 Comments:
Amen to what you wished here!
I dont know whether Guy Wynand's house is what a guy like me would have ever dreamt of while imagining myself few years from now, I am more of 1 bedroom with BIG book shelf man :)
I am sure there is one thing this particular entry helps us all to do, and it is to imagine ourselves in places we would be going in time to come.
Interesting times right ahead my friend!
A senior once told me, "There has been one question that's been bothering me for ages. What do you do when you feel lazy and ambitious at the same time?"
"
I guess thats a question that has troubled a lot of people.
I feel I figured out one small bit of the puzzle some 2 years ago though - you need some small, immediate, concrete goals to work toward - u gotta convert your big general ambition into these small things that u wanna accomplish today..
Dunno maybe we'll figure out the rest someday. I think you'll get there nevertheless. I think when you are 70 and you look back on your life - you'll be satisfied." From a comment on another blog
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